I'd come running at your smallest call

But if I needed you,

you didn't come at all

I'd forfeit sleep to make sure your okay,

But you wouldn't give me the time of day

We'd talk when you wanted

Then I was ignored,

Left to wonder if you just got bored

You pushed me away

knowing I'd reappear 

But on this night last month

I finally disappeared...

I'll always wonder why. Why I wasn't enough, or perhaps why I let myself fall so deeply. Fall so deeply for someone who could forget me so easily. You just decided you wanted me out of your life, our life, out of the picture you once painted to me with such beautiful words. And it was so easy. 

Most days I can distract myself and convince myself that I'm okay. But at the end of the day when the sun goes down, the world goes to sleep and I lay awake in bed- all I think about is you. Although i can't really picture you anymore, or recall the sound of your voice. I can't imagine your hands, your eyes, your lips, your hair or anything really, all I know is I miss them.. because my heart doesn't sink into my tummy, and my eyes don't fill with tears with the thought of anything else. I wonder if you ever think of me when you go home to what used to be our home? When you see the dog house do you remember Barry and when he was ours? When you work do you miss my being there to? When you drive by Walmart can you remember how i had a goofy addiction to it? I wonder a lot. Most of all I wonder if you miss me as much as i miss you, or not at all. But thats the kind of wonder I don't want to truly know the answer to, because deep down I already do. It's no- you don't. Ive had my fair share of angry days, and I've wanted to hurt you like you did me. I've been given the opportunity to many times, but every time I consider it, every time I begin to, I physically can't. I can't hurt you- no matter what hurt you've caused me. Love keeps no record of wrongs, and as much as I don't want to.. I still love you. I don't allow myself to look at your social media, and I've deleted every photo, voice memo and reminder that I have.. the only thing I missed was the video I made of our trip.. I can't seem to let that one go yet. As my fingers run across my keyboard I know how unhealthy this is. I need to let go and I need to move on, just as you are. But I'm not quite ready- because your still the face I search for when I'm in a crowded room...